Sam and Xander's story.
The AC Centre building impressed Sam Chesterfield immensely even before he stepped into it. It was no wonder the charity was one of the most talked about —hell; it was the only talked about charity in the town besides those simply referring to donations.
Whoever had put it together had done a great job in giving them this building. It was a lot to give away. But then a lot of people out there had a lot to give.
This building actually did what it said on the tin and more. It was six floors high and as swanky as they came.
Sam had heard it used to be a regular office block and it looked it, if a bit homier. The AC Centre booklet said the fifth and sixth floors were apartments that served to pay for some of the services provided on the lower floors.
There were a lot of people bustling about there and surprisingly enough they were not all men. That was a pleasant change—not that he minded—the opposite in fact. It made sense to welcome everyone. He was just glad to have some distraction from what he knew he could not have. Not in the real sense.
He shook his head to push the ever-ready tears back and edged his way further into the main hall. It was full of people talking and eating heartily and it warmed him. It was also nicer than being in a club, with men of all shapes and sizes eyeing you up like you were a piece of meat. Granted there were a few looks his way, but definitely nothing lewd or blatant, just curious more like.
He was sure he could enjoy playing his part here. As a writer, he always found it difficult to write in the morning, so rather than stay idle as he had been doing for years now, he decided to volunteer—if only to keep his sanity.
Where better than a charity that supports gay men—mainly those with HIV but not restricted to those? There would be a big welcome to the fold for him here.
He shook his head again to dislodge the bitter thoughts and looked around as he approached the long table from which the food was being served. He had no idea who to ask for directions, so the people at the forefront serving seemed his best option.
“Hello!” he yelled over the din. “Excuse me!”
The servers looked over at him, all beaming smiles and more curiosity. It was clear they were pretty busy, going by the long line of hungry men with large plates in front of them.
The lady closest to him spoke. She was pretty good looking for her age. Although you could tell she wasn’t young, it didn’t take much away from her looks: dark silky skin the color of milk chocolate. She must have been something in her time, because she was probably well over 50 now. Her hair was shocking white, full and wavy, fighting to get free of the bauble that restrained it.
“Hello there. How can we help?” She waved a hand at him, unable to shake his directly for obvious reasons.
“Hi. I’m Sam Chesterfield. I’m the new volunteer starting today.” He returned her smile.
“Ah,” she said, “Welcome to the AC Centre. You’ll be needing Xander then. One second.” She dropped her ladle, wiped her hands and went off. She turned and called back with a grin. “I’m Sadie by the way!”
Now Sam had walked in with a mission—keep his eyes off the men as best he could. And he had managed this so far until now. But Sadie came back out after about fifteen minutes with someone behind her who you could hardly miss.
In all his thirty five years, Sam had never seen such a breathtaking man. He had never thought he was attracted to men this huge but the effect just the sight of him had on his insides told him otherwise.
His belly seemed to warm up and send coils of heat down to his groin. He bit his lip as hard as he could without drawing blood, praying the pain would stop him from reaching full mast right in the middle of the damn hall in front of people who would definitely be able to tell exactly what was going on.
His coat was a welcome cover thankfully and he held it in front of him as he worked to control his breathing.
The huge man took his time strolling over. It was a bit unnerving how his eyes remained on Sam throughout, a slight smile on his face. God, he was so good looking: a full head of dark almost black hair with a light spattering of gray at the temple, a long, expressive face with thick juicylooking lips that had a slight dent in the middle. It’s a good thing he didn’t have a cleft in his chin as well; he would have been beyond dangerous.
And he was so fucking tall. Sam wasn’t good with height calculations but the guy was clearly closer to seven feet than six. His chest looked effortlessly broad and powerful, ripe for cuddling, and practically rippling as he moved.
Good grief, he sighed. I want that.
Gulping back the ache that this thought brought forth, he held his hand out as the big man reached him.
Xander pushed his paperwork aside and locked his computer as everyone was advised to do in the building. He provided excellent facilities but always made sure to ensure that they were used properly with a view to longevity.
He felt good today. He was looking forward to meeting the young writer. He was always pleased when a new volunteer joined, most especially when it was a useful one. It reminded him that he was making a difference—there were people out there who needed a place such as this. Not for hook-ups, although he guessed that was probably still happening, but to provide people with support without the threat of judgment or discrimination. He was gay after all. Who better to help gay men than someone who was inclined the same way?
He knew Mr Chesterfield’s resume by heart now. The man was young, a writer and a good one at that, although he had specifically asked that this be kept confidential for the sake of his privacy. Xander could do that.
This guy was someone after his own heart. Xander was never one for unnecessary publicity; he knew the dangers of indulging in it. His parents’ marriage had suffered because of it. He never planned to put himself or his family through anything like that again.
It was hard to be faceless when you were a billionaire and had grown up in the spotlight, but he liked to think he had managed it to a certain extent. Compared to his visibility as a child and a young man, he kept a low profile. He tried to keep himself out of the press now. Even his centre was flourishing without his name being attached to it, just as he wanted.
Still, a writer who also wrote a column in the second largest paper, howbeit once a month, was good for them. He could slip them in somewhere at some point.
A real smile on his face, he padded after Sadie to meet the writer.
The man hovered by the serving area where the clean dishes and cutlery were kept for pick up as the diners passed through to be served. He looked either nervous or shy; Xander was unsure which. His hands were tucked in his pockets as he took in the place with a look of interest flashing forth every now and then.
His hair was wavy, dark strawberry blond curls tickling the back of his neck. Just the right length for his face.
It framed a delicious face, as small as the rest of him but with the brightest, most expressive eyes that were an interesting shade of green. Or was it blue? He needed to look more closely, that was for sure.
His lips were pink and pouty, like he licked them a lot. And just as Xander thought it, the man did exactly that. Xander fought to pace his breathing in that moment, feeling wild and wanton all of a sudden.
The last time he had felt that way was about ten years before. It seemed like it had been a lifetime and he’d had forgotten how good it had felt.
It had ceased to wrench his heart as it used to less than two years ago. He was thankful for that.
It was the withdrawal from that relationship that had kept him alone all these years. He had been like a drug addict, craving a mighty fix, and he never wanted to hurt that way again. It had taken him so long to get to this point.
Loneliness sure was better than constant gnawing pain.
The difference here was that he was feeling the pull from afar before he had even met the man. With Phillip, he hadn’t reached that level until they’d had sex.
This, therefore, was infinitely worse.
Add that to the fact that he was about five feet tall. Everything about him was small—tiny in fact—chest, arms, hips, feet. Hell I could fling him over my shoulder with one hand and suck him upside down until he comes down my throat like a….
Fuck! he berated himself. Behave.
“Is that him?” he whispered, his attraction evident in his voice which had gone all breathy. He regretted the question as soon as it escaped his lips. Knowing Sadie, she’d be able to tell.
“Wow, right?” Sadie laughed. “It’s him alright. Perfect for you I’d say!”
“Sadie…” Xander warned with a hiss. Sadie was such a drama queen. “Behave yourself!”
“It’s high time boss, don’t you think? Looks poshlike too. Perfect, I repeat.” She whirled around, no longer smiling, her finger poking up at his barrel of a chest.
“If you don’t ask him out, I will.” At Xander’s smirk, she added, “Somehow. So you better.”
Xander laughed quietly as they headed closer to the little man.
Sam’s belly was on fire again as soon as their hands met. Large thick fingers wrapped and completely enveloped his, gripping firmly but warmly.
He was shocked at the man’s first words.
“Wow. You’re a cutie.”
The blush that hit him was so hot that he thought he would just faint there and then and be done with it. What thirty five year old idiot still blushed this hard?
He felt warmth spread down to his neck, and the huge man’s eyes lingered there, a small smile playing around his mouth. That didn’t help in the least.
“I’m Sam Chesterfield. Starting today…”
“I gathered that. Alexander Channing.” Xander practically rumbled. His voice was so husky. “Please call me Xan.”
God help me, Sam thought. He might as well just turn and run right now before he made his life more miserable than it already was. He literally felt like curling up against this giant and being wrapped up in his enormity.
“It’s great to have you here. We so need someone like you to liven up the place and tell a good story or two about us. Cuteness and youth are a giant plus as well.”
Sam managed a shy laugh, still blushing annoyingly. “Thanks very much. I’m not that young though. Thirty-five isn’t young in the least.”
“When you’re forty-one it is.”
Sam’s eyes widened considerably. “You’re not forty-one surely?”
The big man seemed to think this was a compliment and he touched his little bit of gray hair with a sigh. “I think this says differently. I’ll be forty-one in December. And you don’t look thirty-five either. Maybe twenty-five but certainly not thirty-five.”
Apparently even gods like Xan feel insecure about their age, Sam mused. Technically Xander Channing was forty, seeing as December was nine months away.
“Shall I show you round first and then do the paperwork? We can get quite busy here so hope you’re ready to get stuck in?”
“Yes of course. That’s why I joined. I need to keep my mind as busy as possible.” He walked beside Xander, knowing the man was walking slowly so he could keep up. He tried his very best not to stare up at Xander’s profile or the vast expanse of his shoulders that even his loose sweatshirt couldn’t hide.
Xander had a puzzled look on his face for a split second and then it disappeared.
Xander was great, more than great in fact. Sam was surprised to find out that he was the billionaire behind the charity. He definitely had kept that quiet. Only those who joined discovered how much a part of it Xander actually was. Sadie said it was all a bit hush-hush as Xander didn’t want any unwelcome or unsolicited press.
Which made sense, seeing that quite a lot of the men were HIV positive.
The Centre supported everyone that needed them, virus or not. No one was singled out. They worked according to their capacity unless they asked to do something different. To be fair most of them didn’t.
He set about helping the Centre with creating newsletters and flyers to distribute around town as well as general PR work. He worked closely with Xander and if the man hadn’t been so agreeable, it would have been difficult to be around him. Not to say that it wasn’t still, but it was manageable.
Sam had managed his celibacy like a Buddhist monk during the past 8 years, but now he had gone from the odd wank every other week to touching himself every single night now. Sometimes more than once. It was crazy.
Every damned thing the giant of a man did was memorable to him for some inexplicable reason—every smile, every innocent hug, every wink. Fuck, the man loved to wink at him. It didn’t help that he didn’t seem to wink at anyone else.
Now Xander Channing filled his days. And his nights.
One night, Sam was working late there on request from Xander as they had a launch the next day. They had the place set up to the nines and were putting final touches to the guest list and place settings for the important guests from whom they expected donations or participation at the very least.
Xander had used the services of one of the volunteers who did events planning even though he didn’t have enough manpower for the size of the place. Instead the AC staff provided the extra hands needed.
These were the kind of things he did that made Sam like him so much. But then again, all the men who volunteered there would have done the same wouldn’t they? And for the same reasons as well.
Xander was using a Scandinavian looking chair as a step up to hang up the campaign banner. Sam helped pass him the banner although he watched the chair warily.
“Are you sure that is safe, Xan? It looks precarious.” The chair definitely looked like it wouldn’t survive.
“Really? Looks alright.” The big man shrugged and stepped onto it, rolling his waist to test its sturdiness. Sam just rolled his eyes, managing to hide his actual reaction to that sexy movement.
Xander had just the last edge of the banner left to pin down when the chair creaked and gave way under him. He called out as he collapsed onto Sam and would’ve certainly crushed him if he hadn’t landed on one foot and shifted his body to the right, deftly flipping Sam over so the little man landed on top of him instead.
They lay there gasping and staring at each other. Something was crackling in the air between them. Electricity.
“Jesus, are you okay?”
“Yeah. You?” Xander nodded and flexed his feet, not letting go of Sam’s waist. Sam nodded too, slowly becoming aware of their positions.
Their look went from shock to amusement to full-on desire.
“Go out with me,” Xander said simply.
Sam’s eyes went wide. He didn’t know why he was shocked.
A large hand reached up and ran through Sam’s full head of hair, smooth and silky soft. The big man sighed as it flowed through his fingers.“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.”
“Xan…” Sam shivered, knowing this was going to fuel his dreams for weeks to come.
Sam frowned regretfully, pulling away and pushing up off Xander’s chest. The big man let him up this time.
“I can’t, I’m sorry, I—”
Xander stood up after him, creaking his back as if to test it was really fine. Sam almost smiled at that but checked himself as he remembered he had just refused to date the man. Not that I don’t so want to but…
“It’s okay Sam. I’ve been refused before you know.” Watching Sam look like he felt so bad about refusing him made Xander feel like he had read the signs wrong. He didn’t want pity, he wanted love or friendship. More love actually but he would take what he was given.
“It’s alright Sammie. This doesn’t mean anything should change between us. Don’t start acting uncomfortable around me okay? The fact that I want you to be mine and you don’t feel the same way doesn’t mean I want to lose you as a friend.”
Want you to be mine…
Sam blushed as those words echoed in his head. He wished he could stop Xander right there and let him know how much he wanted to be his.
But he could not.
So he just nodded and tried to smile a little.
Xander overheard the most interesting conversation three weeks later when he was putting away some files in the archiving room.
Sam had made friends with a young guy, Jake, who had registered with the Centre to encourage his HIV-positive brother to join as well. They hung out together a lot.
Jake and his brother had only joined two months after Sam, but the way Jake acted, you would think they had been friends since youth.
Maybe that’s just my jealousy talking.
At first Xander had been taking it really hard until Sam began to seek him out to hide out in his office or wherever he was working every to keep out of Jake’s sight—the guy never stopped talking.
Xander wondered how Sam coped with him for even a second as soft spoken as he was.
Both men were in the storage room. Jake seemed to be asking him about positions—sex positions to be exact. Favorite ones.
Xander stopped and listened. This he definitely wanted to know.
“I don’t know Jake…”
“What do you mean you don’t know? You must have a favorite one? I mean like missionary or—or wait, have you tried riding and bending over your man like this?” There was a pause. Xander could just imagine the shock on Sam’s poor face. But the oblivious younger man kept on. “Oh my God that’s like the best ever. My boyfriend says I’ll kill him with too much sex. He loves it, he does. I could ride him till I die man. It’s glorious and I can keep hitting that spot. Now your turn—what’s yours then?”
“I don’t know…”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve never done it before.”
“What?” Jake’s voice was as low as ever in his shock.
Eavesdropping Xander was equally shocked.
Not that it was impossible for Sam to be a virgin, but more like how does a virgin have HIV? Had he been born with it? Surely not?
His mind was racing as he tried to recall if there was a HIV test in Sam’s file as he usually asked of his volunteers. He wasn’t sure. Most likely he got so caught up with the beautiful little man that day he must have forgotten to check his paperwork correctly. Shit.
Sam picked up the tablecloths and matching curtains they had come in there to get “Never Jake. So I don’t have any positions to tell you about,” He felt this face burning as he walked out.
He stared at Xander as he realized the man had heard it all but he said nothing, just hurried past him.
The big man started to say something but thought the better of it when Jake came out rushing after Sam.
Jake kept after Sam until he dropped off the requested fabric. He finally caught up with him in the library area and sat beside him as he started up the computer. The last thing he had intended was to embarrass Sam. A gay virgin? At his age? That was some kind of record. But he was not exactly going to say that.
“Sam…” The younger man nudged him.
“Jake, don’t you think this embarrassing enough for me as it is?”
Jake, like almost everyone else in the Centre, knew Xander Channing had fallen for Sam. It was easy to guess when he was around the smaller man, even though they appeared to be just friends.
“I hear the Boss likes you…” he started, nodding his head in the direction where they had both seen Xander.
“Where did you hear that?”
Jake let out a knowing laugh. “He does, doesn’t he? Even I can see it. Didn’t you see him back there? He looked like he wanted to chuck you over his shoulder or something.”
Sam sighed. “Yeah, I guess he likes me. Happy?”
“Nice one,” Jake marveled. His friend had sure hit the jackpot even though he didn’t seem to know it. It was always the clueless ones that got it right. “Going by his height and build… can you imagine how huge his cock would be?”
Sam couldn’t even begin to respond to that.
“Have you and him…?
“No we have not Jake. I thought I just said…?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, it was just a question. So what’s the deal then? Why aren’t you getting that big cock? I know its huge, it has to be right? He’s like a giant man. Yesterday I helped him move some new tables into the conference hall and my, he’s got really large hands and long fingers. That definitely tells you something. So come on, spill!”
“Jesus Jake.” Sam was exasperated, but Jake kept his face stern, obviously expecting an answer. “It’s a long story.”
“Well, start from the very beginning. It’s not like I don’t have time on my hands.”
“Oh god…” Sam held his face in his hands for a minute then looked up at his friend. “Who would want someone like me?”
“What do you mean?” Jake’s demeanor changed as did his tone. His voice sounded like a hiss.
“Who would want me with HIV?”
“You are joking?” His friend sounded really angry.
Sam stared at him in some surprise.
“So what you’re telling me is that all the encouragement I’ve been giving my brother, getting him to come here, telling him that he still has a chance at finding love, that he is still worthy of being loved. All of that is crap?”
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
“No. Stop. I know exactly how you meant it.”
“Just give me a minute,” he rasped, standing up.
This time, it was Jake that walked off.
They were in Xander’s office, sitting opposite each other at his enormous desk, working. Sam found he spent more and more time there lately. He enjoyed Xander’s company. A lot. It was nice working with him. Despite the attraction between them, they kind of blended well in balancing the work-play ethic.
Or maybe that was just Xander, he wasn’t sure. It certainly wasn’t him. He had had to fight to keep from staring at Xander all the damn time. It was only because the big man stayed focused on his work that eventually caused Sam to revert back to his.
The whole thing puzzled him nonetheless.
“I thought you liked me,” Sam said.
“I did. I do. Why do you ask?”
“Well, since… since you asked me out, you act like nothing happened. Like it didn’t matter.”
Xander ran his hand through his hair with a sigh. “I’m forty-one years old Sam. I’ve learnt the hard way that you pick your battles. I want you.” His eyes blazed, wild for just a second. “I’ve learnt that wanting someone does not necessarily make them want you. I know now that sometimes it’s better if someone can even say no to you in the first place. If you had met me ten years ago, I probably would have chased you night and day until I made you mine. Now, I’m glad to have you as a friend if nothing else. I sure do not want you to be with me for the wrong reasons. I’m too old to be falling down that hole again.”
“Forty,” Sam said with a serious face.
“You’re forty. Not forty-one. Technically.”
Xander looked at Sam for a minute, then burst out into hearty laughter. They laughed for a good while until Xander pulled Sam gently into a warm hug.
They pulled apart slowly and he whispered in Sam’s ear. “You have no idea how good you make me feel sometimes.” His voice caught a bit and Sam ached.
“Is that why you refused me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Cos you haven’t been with anyone before?”
“No. Of course not!”
“I was just asking, calm down.” He pouted at Sam’s glare, which only served to make the little man narrow his eyes suspiciously. “Can we talk, Sam?”
“I thought we already were.”
“You know what I mean. It’s a bit difficult getting you to actually talk. Don’t look shocked. I’ve talked about myself so much I think you’ll be able to write my biography soon.”
Sam chuckled and shook his head.
“I did tell you about myself remember? I’ve simply not had such an interesting life as yours.”
“Don’t start that Sam. I already told you, money does not automatically make your life more interesting.”
“You’re hardly paparazzi.”
“Yeah, maybe not, but money makes you newsworthy—you know that.”
“Sam?” Xander was getting exasperated.
“Sorry. So what do you want to talk about?”
“You know what…”
“I do not…”
Xander leaned forward, licking his lips as if he was about to say something naughty. “Why you can’t or won’t be mine.”
Sam winced. Xander waited. Sam took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a minute. Then he opened them. “I’ve got HIV.”
“Are you kidding?”
“No. I’m not kidding. Why would I be kidding? Have you forgotten where we are? The Centre is filled with people living with it. Emphasis on the word ‘living’?” Xander questioned with a frown. Sam didn’t look convinced though. “How—when did you get it?”
“About five years ago, give or take a few months. I got it f-from my boyfriend. Terry Masters. You might have heard of him, former professional swimmer? He was a swimming coach when I met him.” There was bitterness in his voice. Nothing like you at all.
Xander nodded with vague recollection. “You didn’t know he had it then?”
Sam shook his head. “We found out when he had a strange rash. He deteriorated immediately. I lost him less than a year later.”
“Who gave it to whom?”
“He must have given it to me. I certainly hadn’t been with anyone else.”
“So you got it from unprotected sex?”
Sam gulped, shaking his head. “We had only been dating about six months. I had just come out—was, you know, still trying to come to terms with myself. I wasn’t ready for sex so we hadn’t…”
“You’re saying you didn’t have sex with him?”
Sam nodded. There was a question in Xander’s face.
“We didn’t not do anything… just handjobs, blowjobs…”
“Oh.” The big man said thoughtfully. “So what’s that got to do with being mine?”
“I can’t be with anyone when I’ve got this. I cannot put anyone through what I went through, watching him die!” Tears filled Sam’s eyes, threatening. “You have no idea how horrifying it was to watch him, right from the first day the doctor told him. He fell apart from then on. I can’t do that to anyone else. It’s too dangerous and cruel.”
“What’s your blood count like?” Xander asked.
Sam froze. The man knew his shit. Shit.
“You look pretty healthy to me. So long as you take your meds and eat healthily you should be fine for a lifetime even. I can help with that, can’t I? It’s not a big deal. Come on, blood count?”
Xander didn’t catch that. “Say that again?”
“I haven’t done the test.”
Xander got up so fast he must have felt dizzy at the swiftness of it. He walked to the window for a minute and walked back, still standing. He seemed to be trying to keep his reaction in check.
“You mean you haven’t checked your blood count lately? Aren’t you supposed to be watching that? Are you kidding me right now?”
“Not that.” Sam cringed inwardly as he replied. “I mean the HIV test. I haven’t done one.”
“So you know for a fact you have HIV how?” Xander was incredulous.
Sam said nothing. He just looked down at the desk.
The silence was thick. He waited for the reaction he knew would come next. People just didn’t understand so he had stopped mentioning it years ago. Looking at Xander’s utterly gobsmacked face, he wished he hadn’t told him.
“You’re joking! Right?”
Sam said nothing, eyes averted.
“Are you telling me you’ve been living with HIV for five years without making sure you do have it?”
“I have it.”
“No you don’t. Not until you get tested. That’s what the tests are for, so you don’t spend the rest of your life wondering and depriving yourself.”
No fucking way was he getting tested. He could never forget how fast Terry had deteriorated after the test results were confirmed. He never forgave the doctor for telling him, no matter how irrational that was. He would deal his own life his way, simple as.
“Who would want me with HIV?”
“I do.” Xander stated without any hesitation.
Sam stared at him. The tears came from nowhere, like a fountain, shocking the small man with their force.
He jumped out of his seat and started to rush off, overwhelmed, but Xander grabbed him, repeating steadily in his ear, “You can doubt it as much as you want to Sammie, but that changes nothing. I want you, whether you have HIV or not. I don’t give a bloody shit. I have friends who have it or are with guys that have it and they are all happy. There are ways round this. It’s not a big deal.”
“No, no, no. You don’t understand. You haven’t lived it like I have. Even as I am, I would not want my brother or sister to be with someone with HIV. Why would I then expect different for myself?”
“Isn’t that for the person to decide?”
“You don’t understand!”
“I’m a psychologist Sam, I think I understand what you’re talking about,” Xan stated. “If you are so adamant you have it, why haven’t you taken the test yet?”
Sam just held onto him and spoke quietly. “I can’t Xander. I’m too scared.”
“Maybe because deep inside you still don’t believe you have HIV. We—no you—need to be sure. You cannot spend the rest of your life assuming like this Sam. Please. If you’re going to say no to me, as least be sure.”
“I can’t. I can’t. It’ll be too real. Oh god…”
Xander rocked him gently. “We can go together. How about that? You have nothing to lose, considering that you have already spent much of your life thinking you have it.”
Sam did not acknowledge that. “You really are a psychologist?”
“Yup. Technically, as you would say, I studied psychology and business. Then got a PHD in clinical psychology. It helps me run this place pretty well.”
Sam looked at him in wholehearted amusement even though he nodded.
“What?” Not very many people could make Xander feel self-conscious. “I was already going to inherit billions, so I thought the most useful thing I could do was to understand people.”
Sam’s look changed. Slightly. Still unimpressed.
Xander scowled and began to tickle him. His giggles and pleas filled the room along with the boom of Xander’s laughter.
Xander’s ex-boyfriend, Phillip turned up some weeks later at the Centre. At first Sam had no idea who he was until he heard one of the volunteers say hello to him.
The guy was good looking in his own way. He was also completely different from him. First and foremost he was tall. Not close to being as tall as Xander but close enough in that he was much taller than Sam. He had his hair shaved close to his head, like a marine.
When Xander had arrived at the Centre he had immediately asked that Phillip meet him in his office. Sam hadn’t liked the smirk on Phillip’s face as he had followed Xander in, but he put it down as his own jealousy and insecurity.
They were in there a while. A long while.
Sam felt sick. He couldn’t stay after that. Thankfully it was pretty busy so no one noticed him sneak away.
Jake called him later that night. “Hey man, you missed all the drama. Why did you leave so soon anyway?”
“Nothing,” he lied. “Just had a bit of a headache.”
“Turns out Mr Channing’s ex came round to ask to be taken back. But the boss said no. He wouldn’t take him back. First I thought, maybe its cos of you, then I heard its cos the guy’s got HIV now. He didn’t when they were together so he must’ve been busy since then….”
Sam didn’t listen much after that. It hurt to even think about it. No way he could to talk to Xander about it. He had no right to anyway. Staying away was best.
He spent a while drowning in his sorrows, unable to even write at all. He felt like his fears had been proven true. Xander’s actions served to cement his belief that no one could really love someone like him.
It hurt that Xander was that way.
Sam was eventually able to write again and he focused all his energy on it, ignoring his constantly ringing phone. Until eight days later.
Xander was unable to wait any longer. He found his way to Sam’s flat and banged on the door until the little man opened it. Neither of them said anything at first, Sam just stepped aside to let him in. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping, haunted eyes, his usual silky hair all dry and scraggly.
Xander had been to Sam’s place before but just once, and it was definitely completely different now. It was a dreadful mess. Xander tried not to think that this was his fault.
“Where’s your bedroom?”
Sam raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t be silly Sam. That’s not what I mean. Where is it?”
He pointed in the direction of the door. Xander went in immediately. Sam was too worn out to argue so he just stayed put, the big guy could do what he liked. Sure enough, he came out few minutes later with Sam’s little grey suitcase packed.
“What’s that?” Sam asked in surprise, wondering what he had exactly thought Xander would be doing in his room.
“Not speaking to me remember? Ignoring my calls?” Xander tossed a towel at him.
Sam only just caught it. He’s been busy in there.
He didn’t know how to start explaining. “I wasn’t ignoring you, Xan.”
“Go take a shower. Now.”
Sam went sulkily, mumbling as he passed by Xander. “Wasn’t ignoring you…”
“Shave while you’re at it.” Goodness, Xan was really being bossy. Sam touched his chin and jawline. There wasn’t much there—he hardly had any hair at all. What did Xan mean?
Thankfully his bathroom was ensuite so he didn’t have to see Xander while clad in only a towel. Clothes were laid out for him when he came out to his bedroom, though the big man had retreated to the living room.
He grudgingly put them on because they were nicely matched— does Xander think I’m a child or what?
Xander remained stern-faced when he emerged all bathed, clean-shaven, and dressed. He simply grabbed him by one hand and the suitcase by the other and led him out to his truck.
They didn’t speak all through the ride. Xander looked so fierce Sam just left him alone. He knew they were heading to Xander’s house. He took every chance to take him there.
When Xander had locked the door, they faced each other.
More orders it seemed. Sam sat down quietly.
Xander tossed his coat on the couch, glaring at Sam briefly before he stormed to the kitchen.
The little man sat quietly as he heard Xander start to cook. He turned on the television, waited for the big man’s shout, and when it didn’t come, he curled up on the couch to watch.
About thirty minutes later, Xander returned with a large plate and two spoons. They were to eat together it seemed. He settled beside Sam and handed him a spoon while he placed the plate on the table in front of them.
“This is about Phillip, right?”
Sam said nothing, not sure whether to stare at the food or the television.
A second later the television was switched off.
“If by Phillip you mean your ex-boyfriend who you don’t want anymore because he has HIV, then yes.”
Xander looked at him thoughtfully for a while, then he spoke. “Let me tell you about Phillip.”
“We were together four years. In all that time I can tell you that I loved that man with all my heart. I thought he was the one, I really did. Oh he proved me wrong. That’s for sure. We were considering adopting so I decided to have a room fixed up to prepare our minds for it. Of course I went all out, contractors and all. It went a bit out of hand to be honest and we ended up working on half the house but I was too happy to notice or pick up any signs. I came home unexpectedly fine day and found him having sex with one of the contractors, his fiancé it turned out. Can you imagine that? His being with me was all some elaborate plan to make money off me. Phillip was the middleman between the contractors and me and I learnt he had been overpricing their quotes before handing them to me. Stupid as I was, I clung on, hoping I was wrong and all the thirty contractors we were using were lying.” Xander took a deep breath, obviously pained by the memories.
“He laughed in my face.” The big man whispered. “Said he had only been with me for the money and nothing else. He just laughed and walked out. Like I meant nothing at all to him. Four years of my life wasted—wasted thinking someone loved me when all he wanted was my money. I blame myself, I threw so much money at him, he must have had no choice but to take the bait. That’s why I’ve been trying not to push you. I don’t want someone to be with me for the wrong reasons. I learnt that the hard way.
“It took me years to get over Phillip. I started this centre so I could focus on something worthwhile. It really helped me heal. And now he turns up here asking for me back like nothing happened. Then Sadie tells me a friend of hers who knows him says he is HIV positive. And now he comes here for the sucker I am to welcome him with open arms?
“That’s not even saying I was considering taking him back in the first place. I would not take him back ever, not after I’ve seen how heartless he could be. I know now that even if we had remained together, it would have been at this point that I would have left him for you.”
Sam gulped hard at those words. He couldn’t breathe.
“I didn’t know Xan.” Sam felt really bad. “I thought you just didn’t want him because he was HIV-positive.”
“You just thought the worst of me. Did it even cross your mind that it could be because I met you? Why would you immediately think it’s because of the virus?”
“Cos that’s all I think about!”
“That’s the main problem isn’t it? I’m coming to that.”
“One week Sam? You’ve been ignoring me for a whole week. Do you really think that’s fair?”
“I didn’t know what to do!”
“You could have asked me. I thought we were friends before anything else. You don’t just disappear after making assumptions like that. If you are upset by something you suspect you’ve seen, you SAY something!” He stopped for emphasis. “You say something Sam! It’s just like with you and Jake. I was jealous, I admit that. But I didn’t just jump to conclusions. I didn’t get upset and stop speaking to you with no explanation. I didn’t stop taking your calls. I asked who he was and found out he had a boyfriend of his own.”
“You were jealous?”
Xander’s eyes blazed. “Is that all you got from this? Really?”
Sam just fiddled with his fingers and avoided looking at Xander’s face. For some reason all this raging was getting him so horny. He had no idea why. He had never seen Xander this mad before.
“You do realize that we are torturing each other? Me wanting you, you getting upset about the thought of being rejected by me, me being jealous of your friend?” He knelt in front of Sam, taking his small hands in his own large ones, and then sliding his hands up his arms to tug him to sit upright. A shiver went through Sam and Xander smiled inwardly. “We could just be together already. We are acting like we are. Don’t you see that?”
He cupped Sam’s blushing face in his hands and rubbed against his forehead. “Say something Sam. Please.”
“I can’t. I don’t—” Their lips brushed thanks to Xander. Sam gasped, inadvertently letting the big man in.
The kiss was deep, fast and sweet. Sam pushed Xander away with a groan. The big man groaned also, in discontent, and pulled him right back into the kiss.
Sam pulled away again. This time Xander let him push him backwards. Sam stumbled to his feet and rushed off to the bathroom without a word.
Xander buried his face in the warm indentation Sam’s bottom had made in the couch. He was going to dream about that kiss for the rest of his life.
But he didn’t want to dream. He wanted more of the real thing. He wanted it all.
Maybe he needed to fight for the little man.
He had lost his chance at love ten years ago through no fault of his own. He couldn’t lose again. Not when it was right before him.
Xander stood by the bathroom door restlessly. It had been over ten minutes since Sam had gone in there. He needed to apologize. He knocked nicely.
“Sam. I’m sorry okay. Let’s talk about this.”
No answer. “Sam?”
“Go away,” came a somewhat strangled sound from inside.
“Sam?” What the fuck? Is he…? “Sam! Open the door right now!”
Something that sounded like I’ll be right out wafted out but Xander had had enough.
“Right now Sam!” he bellowed. “I know what you’re doing in there. Open the fucking door or I’ll break it down!”
After less than a minute, the lock clicked and the door creaked open to reveal the little man looking decidedly harassed, holding a towel in front of his crotch.
Xander was fuming and horny as hell. It felt like his body was warring with itself. He looked the little man over, small shoulders heaving, eyes hazy with lust, trousers hanging on his hips, it was pretty clear what he had been doing.
“So you’d rather do this alone than share it with me?”
Sam stared at him. Damn Xan for making everything sound so fucking beautiful.
“I don’t know what you mean…”
“Yes you do. Denial isn’t going to work.”
“You can’t kiss me again,” Sam mumbled.
He turned around and made to retreat into the large bathroom, but the big man sighed and pulled him against his chest.
“Share this with me Sam.” Xander buried his face in Sam’s hair, his deep breathing making the little man shiver intermittently. “Please. I know you’re scared about being with me, but I’ll take care of you. You must know that. Please Sam. We’ll work something out. Give me a chance.”
Slowly his voice coaxed the little man and he relaxed against him. The towel he had been using to hide his erection dropped to the floor silently.
Sam was still erect, cock glistening rock hard against his belly. Xander couldn’t help but feast his eyes on it. It was slim, just like all of him. Lightly covered in pink ridges, with veins that flared out at the top to an even pinker smoother head that was streaming pre-cum, it looked delicious.
“That’s so beautiful Sam. Why would you want to deprive me of that?”
The little man protested with a whine, turning around completely to hide his face in Xander’s chest. The big man chuckled and scooped Sam up in his arms. He walked over to the huge bathtub. It had a built-in seat at the end. He sat down with Sam astride him.
“You don’t know how hard this is for me,” Sam muttered. “I want to kiss you. I want to be with you all the time. But I just can’t…”
“Yes you can,” Xander replied softly, taking Sam’s cock in his hand.
“No. Xan.” Slow strokes sent his words shaky and hoarse. “You could… ahh… get infecteddd… Can’t…”
“Yes you can, if you do the test and know for sure.”
Fast strokes. Sam began to whimper against Xander’s throat, hands tearing at his shoulders and upper back. It had been… he couldn’t even remember when last someone had touched him like this… he wasn’t going to last…
“Yes…” he gasped loudly, edging…
Suddenly Xander gripped the base of his cock fiercely, preventing his balls from erupting, while he kept stroking with his other hand. Sam’s back bowed hard, his head slamming into the big man’s chest as he let out a scream. And another.
“Do the test.”
Sam was shaking and pleading. His legs reared up onto the edges of the tub as if trying to climb up. He was going crazy. He needed release. His pleas came out disjointed. “Pleas-se…. ohh… ple…”
Xander knew he couldn’t torture him too much. “Do the test.”
“Xan… “ Sam sobbed now, crumbling. “Ohhhhh.”
The big man let go in that instant, causing Sam to let out a high-pitched cry of uncontrollable relief as his cock exploded angrily into Xander’s hand. It let out gush after violent gush of seemingly endless creaminess.
They sat there for a bit. Xander busied himself cleaning Sam up with a towel, then worked on massaging the little man’s back as he came down from his high.
“You’re mean,” Sam accused, panting weakly into Xander’s neck.
“Am I?” Xander teased. “I try not to be…”
Some more silence as they smiled against each other.
“So we’re agreed?”
“What?” Sam started, thinking he meant the test all over again.
“You won’t keep yourself from me?”
Sam hugged Xander tight and the big man once again felt the shiver go through his little man’s body.
That was better than nothing; Xan thought I’ll make do with that – for now.
“There’s still the test to do though.”
Two months later.
Sam returned from his weeklong book launch, excited to see Xander. He missed Xander like crazy right from the first night out. He had initially been nervous about whether he should call him first or just leave him alone—they weren’t officially dating after all—thanks to him. He didn’t want to seem too keen. He didn’t know how he was meant to act.
But Xan had called him every single day, not just once but almost every other hour. He could not believe how happy that man made him. It was as if he knew what he needed, the constant chats or texts; updates on what was happening simply made him happy all through the boring tour.
So looking forward to seeing the big man was an understatement. He was practically dancing in his shoes in excitement.
Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he knew he was falling in love. He just refused to acknowledge it.
After saying hurried hellos to everyone, he was about to start telling them about his trip when Sadie shooed him in the direction of Xander’s office, whispering conspiratorially. “He’s in there. I know that’s where you want to be.”
So off he went without a word. The office area was quiet as usual.
He knocked on the door.
“Come in!” that delicious voice boomed.
Xander was standing as he pushed the door open and stepped in. His handsome face lit up like a lighthouse. “Sammie! I thought I was picking you up tomorrow!”
Sam was swooped up in the air by his hips. He giggled happily as Xander twirled around. “I finished early…”
Sadie heard the boom of her boss’s voice and smiled, saying a small prayer for them both.
They were in Xander’s house. It was way past midnight. Sam had been telling Xander all about his trip—literally word for word as if the big man didn’t already know all the details since he had spoken to him every single day throughout the trip.
Xander had refused to take Sam home in the guise of him needing to be pampered a little after a hectic journey. Sam was too tired to argue so he guessed he needed the pampering.
The big man put his suitcase away somewhere after ordering him to relax on the couch in the inner, cosier living room while he cooked for him like he loved to do.
Food ready, he served Sam and then propped his small feet on his lap and started to massage them while Sam ate. He had the most deliciously smelling massage oil but Sam stopped him.
“You have to eat first.”
Xander wolfed his food down in record time, with Sam laughing throughout.
Then back to his feet. They were minute in Xander’s large hands. Sam wondered that he was not terrified of this man who seemed like he could snap him like a twig. Instead he was drawn to him, his presence igniting warmth and safety.
The oil wafted to his nose; he guessed it must have some soothing ingredients—or maybe it was just Xander’s hands?
“Goodness did you do massage therapy as well?” Sam marveled. The large hands were like magic, somehow able to go soft and then hard where necessary as they kneaded his feet and, slowly, up his legs. He would’ve been uncomfortable about how sensous this was getting if he wasn’t enjoying it so much. It really was very relaxing.
After a while, the massage trumped the food and Sam had to put his half empty plate down. He saw Xander watching him do so and looked appropriately contrite.
“You know I’m only letting you off because it’s been a long day for you right?”
Sam nodded, face intact. It was wiped off his face the instant Xander pulled on his feet, dragging him off the side of the couch and onto his back completely. His large hands continued their massage, pushing Sam’s annoyingly loose trousers up his thighs and hiking his feet onto his powerful shoulders.
Sam had a clear visual of what could be.
Fuck, he should have continued eating.
The massage had gone from soothing to mind-blowing in an instant with those long fingers pressing into his thighs and the backs of his knees. The sight of his feet on Xander’s broad shoulders made him go hard, right in Xander’s face.
He could see the hunger burning in Xander’s eyes.
Xander was covered in oil but he didn’t care. He wanted—no needed—to get as close to Sam as the little man would let him. And if that included getting soaked in oil, then so be it.
They were now in his bedroom and he was fighting not to take Sam’s beautiful slim cock in his mouth. He could tell it would fit just right, deep in his throat. He could already hear the screams his little man would make when he did so.
He rubbed his face all around it, blowing onto the leaking, dribbling tip as he gripped and stroked the lower end with his hands.
Sam was squirming beneath him, his pleasure still being interrupted by brief moments of anxiety.
Xander could not trust himself to hold back if he let his own hungry cock loose from his silk boxers. Not with that delicious pink opening right before his eyes. His thoughts were driving him crazy—images of sliding slowly into that tightness…
Pull yourself together.
He knew if he took Sam far enough, he would break his defenses completely and be able to take him. His cock twitched at that train of thought and his left hand slowly let go of Sam’s cock and slid down into his boxers.
He wanted Sam so badly. But he had to control himself.
He began to threaten himself silently. Taking him when he says no would be rape. That would be taking advantage of the man you love and that is rape.
Rubbing himself into the bed rather than actually touching himself, Xander kept his hands busy to keep them from going to his crazy cock again. His fingers went right between Sam’s thighs to that opening that was yet to know another person’s touch.
Long oily fingers slid over the ridged flesh, causing the little man to let out a strained whimper, shaky hands blindly trying to find Xander’s without luck—for Xander went at it, massaging over and around the sensitive opening in tight then hard swirls.
It sent the little man into mini convulsions what with Xander lapping at the underside of his cock and moving upwards to blow on the head. His back arched off the bed in tune with the fingers.
Xander knew that if he swallowed Sam’s cock right this minute the little man would go straight to heaven.
But he could not. Sam didn’t want any of that.
Instead, he massaged harder, feeling the tight flesh give way to his touch, opening for him, winking its welcome even as the little man sobbed his pleasure.
The sounds caused Xander to lose a little bit of his control, for his fingers got hungry for more, the massaging now seeking entrance. Thankfully, just as they spread Sam open to let a right index finger in, the little man jackknifed off the bed and came with a shuddering scream. His come sprayed nicely all over Xander’s face, neck and chest.
Oh thank God, Xander thought. Saved by the orgasm.
The swiftness with which his hand found his own clothed cock was admirable. He only had to touch the head and he was coming—hard—blindly climbing up Sam’s boneless body as he rode through his release.
He didn’t even realize he had done this until he came back to his senses. They were both covered in come.
“You okay?” he gasped, rubbing his cheek against Sam’s.
“Yeah.” The little man whispered shyly. “You’ve got my come all over you, that’s not—”
Xander knew where he was going with that so he stopped it right there. “I actually would have wanted it down my throat preferably. But I won’t complain.”
He swelled with pride when he felt Sam go hard again before he had even finished his sentence. The pleasure that gave him was indescribable. It solidified his conviction that they were made for each other.
“Hell yeah.” He praised, hands sliding happily back down between Sam’s legs, ignoring the shy halfhearted protests. He let his teeth work on Sam’s slender neck for a while, feeling himself getting harder in the process. Then he slid back down.
Facing that opening again, he groaned as he reached full mast, hot against his belly.
Fuck! he thought as he gripped Sam’s cock with both hands, blowing on the head again as he started wild maddening strokes. He was determined to have his little man scream like he was inside him already, right fucking now.
His hands went so fast. Sam was screaming brokenly, just like he wanted, the swift move from horny to full blown ecstasy too much for his mind to comprehend.
Xan switched to one hand alone, keeping the other busy on his own cock, he was kneeling over Sam, well over Sam’s cock, his hands simultaneous in their movements, watching his little man come apart completely.
The little man came before him, choking out sounds like he was speaking another tongue.
Sam’s entire body was singing, like he was alive for the first time. He held onto the man who had taken him there as tightly as he could.
He didn’t want to ever let him go, God help him.
Xander took longer to come this time. He was quite surprised when two small hands tentatively slid over his busy hand.
“Let go,” came the quiet whisper even as Sam’s eyes widened at the enormous girth his hands surrounded. Xander did so without question, a thrill of joy bursting in his heart.
He hunched over the little man as he let himself go, burying his face in Sam’s neck. His groans increased with each stroke. It was like Sammie was memorizing his cock, learning every vein and bump, nimble fingers swiping over the head with such perfect pressure that it sent spirals of heat through his loins.
By the time Sam set a faster pace, Xander was losing his mind. The faster he went, the crazier he made Xander. When the huge man finally started to come, he had Sam curled up into a ball underneath him with his legs in the air, pounding himself into Sam’s fists senselessly.
Xander did some research on getting HIV from blowjobs and discovered it was a ratio of 1 in 100, pretty low especially considering that Sam hadn’t done it that much. He prepared a print out of the results and handed them to Sam to read.
“You will read through that right Sam?”
Sam nodded obediently but without much interest as he tucked it under his arm and headed out the door.
Sam stopped, knowing why he was being called sternly.
“I’ll read it Xander. Okay?”
Days later, he still hadn’t read it.
“I just forgot Xan. I’ve been really busy.”
“And this is not important? Is that what you’re saying?”
Sam scowled right back at him.
He let out a gasp of shock as Xander grabbed him, slung him over his shoulder and walked off to his office right in full view of everyone.
“Xander!” Sam spluttered. “Put me down!”
He was set unceremoniously on the large desk. He jumped a little when the door slammed viciously. A document was snatched up and held right under his nose.
Sam stared up at the huge man. Trust him to still be huge even with Sam atop the desk.
“Now.” Xander stated. “You’re not leaving this room—this spot—until you read that. Right now.”
“You’re a bully.”
“Thanks,” Xander replied. He was suddenly overcome with emotion and unable to stop his eyes from filling up, much to his shock. He didn’t even realize this issue affected him so deeply. He was actually trembling.
Fuck, I love this little man.
How could he make him see that he needed to do this?
Sam took the document from him, staring up. Xander was in tears. Because of him. His throat suddenly clogged up. He was not in this alone; he could see that Xan was suffering too.
How could he have doubted that the man loved him?
Tears filled his eyes as well and he dropped the document to cup the big man’s face in his hands. Xander began to frown through his tears but—
“I’ll do the test Xan. There’s no need for me to read that,” Sam said. “I’ll do it.
Xander heaved like he was going to faint. His face crumpled in Sam’s hands, a mix of joy and relief. He buried his face in Sam’s neck and wept for the first time in years.
Xander watched the small man emerge from the clinic, letter in hand, clutched so tight his knuckles were white. He looked up as he came closer and there were tears in his eyes.
Xander’s heart sank for Sam and for himself, for he knew the little man would take it hard. The results must have confirmed all his fears.
He practically jumped out of the car to get to Sam, immediately wrapping the now sobbing man in his arms.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he soothed. It didn’t make much of a difference to him aside from increasing his awareness of the need for protection. But for Sam… “I’m right here. It makes no difference to me. I’m not going anywhere sweetheart.”
Sam tensed at his words, pulling back to look up at him. He was so beautiful in the evening light, big eyes glistening.
“Oh Xan… I’m clean. It says I’m completely clean.”
Xander’s heart soared as he realized what Sam was saying. The smaller man brandished the report under his nose.
“Oh my god!” he whooped, scooping Sam up and twirling around.
The tears turned to laughter and tears again as they held each other tight.
“Thank you… thank you.” Sam sang endlessly in his ear.
Xan couldn’t give a shit about thanks. He was just glad things had turned out so good. Now they both had a second chance at love in the complete sense of the word.
Now… the future.
Xander was mighty patient. He said if Sam had waited this long, there definitely was no need to rush.
“We’re taking things slow.” Xander had said over and again, procrastinating until Sam had threatened to climb on him and ride him while he slept. He had laughed his heart out at that, even though there was no way a virgin could take him without proper preparation. But then, Sam seemed very determined.
So he gave in.
Their first night Sam found, was still the most nerve wracking despite his hunger for it. He struggled between unreasonable uncertainty, relief, joy and fear.
“Ever used one of these before?” Xander asked, pulling out a sleek long vibrator and a tub of edible lube from the side of the bed as he clambered over Sam. The little man blushed with wide eyes. He was naked save for his cotton boxers which were tented at the front thanks to their marathon making out session.
“Xan, its really l-long…” Sam said quietly, lips red and deliciously pouty from their kissing. Xander’s eyes were trained on them.
Xander nodded, beginning to kiss the nervous man again. He shifted onto his back and pulled Sam on top of him. They both gasped as their cocks brushed.
“It’s exactly how long my cock is Sam… thicker… but yeah.”
“Really?” Sam whimpered, gaping at the vibrator in fright. He was yet to see Xander in the buff. He had been building up to this, only bold enough to touch him but not to look. Now he was worried.
“Sam.” Xander cupped his face. “It’ll be okay hon. Remember I’m going to take it slow.”
“That’s why you kept saying that, right?” Sam asked in realization, eyes fluttering at the soothing feel of their foreheads rubbing.
The big man nodded, threading his fingers through his baby’s hair and pulling him down into a deep kiss. They lost themselves in that for a moment, tongues sucking and savoring.
“This position will be easier to start with…” Xander whispered as he pulled both their boxers down, feeling Sam shudder as their bare flesh molded against each other. He parted Sam’s thighs so the little man lay astride him, dragging them almost up to his underarms so he could keep eating at Sam’s half open mouth as he rocked their cocks together.
As he began to tease Sam’s opening, the little man’s body quaked increasingly. He had to gently pull Sam’s hands from his as they tried to stop him. He stroked them lightly, staring into Sam’s eyes as he gently reminded him that he was clean and there was nothing to worry about. When the little man relaxed, he happily returned to his task.
The ridged entrance pulsed and quivered at his touch. He got a cry as he eased a long finger into it, pushing in inch-by-inch as his lover’s body relaxed. He really took his time; Sam was moaning his name and biting hungrily at his mouth each time his finger ground deep inside his tightness.
God he was fucking tight.
Two fingers… stretching apart, pulling out and back… in. Again. And again.
“Ohhhhhhhhhhh….” Sam gasped, the glorious ache shattering his mind utterly. Xander kept at it, eyes glued on Sam’s face. “Yesssssssss… pleasssssssssse.”
Three fingers… all in.
Sam was whining hoarsely now, trying to hump himself unsuccessfully on Xander’s cock or thigh or something. The big man had a firm grip on one slim hip, keeping them apart just so as he finger fucked him.
“Xa—nnn, wannna come… ” he cried, almost incoherent. His hips were moving of their own accord.
“Not just yet babe… still got a long way to go.”
The small man didn’t want to wait any longer and he whined his protest loudly. That gave way to a gasp of Xander’s name as he pulled his deliciously thick fingers out of him. Then a deep groan as the vibrator slowly took their place, sliding hilt deep in one smooth go.
Sam’s hands gave way and he collapsed drunkenly onto Xander’s chest.
“Ohhhhhhhhhhh… fuck… ” He came hard just as the vibrator spurred gently to life. The pleasure was unbelievable, sparks exploding through from deep inside him to each individual limb as the vibrator’s purrs heightened.
It was as if he hadn’t even come. Xander was massaging his back, his bottom, and heaven help him, his stretched opening simultaneously. Somehow he could feel those hands everywhere. The vibrator was deep and buzzing. He could vaguely feel himself winding atop the big man like a wanton creature.
Fuck if he cared. He wanted more. He felt crazed with need. Those fingers tracing the creases of his opening felt… so… fucking… good….
Xander basked in the state he had put the little man in. He loved that he could make him fall apart like this, especially when he was yet to take him. He knew his baby would love his thickness, going by his wild reaction to his stretching him.
He was a bit hazy with hunger himself but he was determined to take Sam to the highest state he could to commemorate the end of his celibacy.
Feeling Sam’s cock harden against him again, Xander wrapped his arms round him and flipped them over. Sam’s small legs immediately went tightly around his waist, trembling slightly.
God I want him so bad right now. There was no more waiting.
More hungry kisses, lips crashing on each other desperately as their need reached higher heights. Xander’s lips then trailed down to Sam’s throat. The small man threw his head back with a broken sigh, giving Xander room to do as he pleased.
His bottom was cupped and lifted. He thought he would faint with the burst of fiery heat that flared up his back. His small hands gripped Xander’s neck as he cried into his chest, legs flaying a little before finding some stay just against Xander’s underarms.
His head flew back into the pillows, hard, as the vibrator, still whirring, slid out of his body. His voice was hoarse and cracking as the big man held him close and braced himself.
“Xan… Xan…” he kept crying helplessly, dragging out the beloved giant’s name as Xander finally took him. His thoughts were disjointed as the huge cock stretched him beyond belief. Heaven.
Xander was shaking now. Hilt deep in Sam. Fighting to keep still, to keep from coming. His breath came out in groans of tortured pleasure. Sam began to relax even more around him, welcoming Xander’s cock deep in his little body.
The huge man couldn’t keep still enough and found himself grinding into Sam, just shy of thrusting. Thank God he had taken his time to ready him. Sam was already hungry for more but he knew what damage he could do if he wasn’t careful.
“You’re so deep,” the small man gasped, clutching desperately at Xan’s shoulder even as the huge man atop him gathered him hard against his body. Now he was fully embedded in him.
“I know sweetheart. I am.” Xan’s breath caught as he spoke. Pleasure tingled through him so intensely. He couldn’t believe they were at this point. He was so overwhelmed and thankful right now. “I don’t ever want to come out of you. God knows I could stay like this forever.”
He felt the tremors that were going through Sam increase tenfold.
“Oh Xan!” Sam cried. “I love you. Don’t ever leave...”
They nuzzled against each other, chuckling softly into their kisses.
“I’m never going anywhere, sweetheart, I’m right here.”
“Xannnn.” The huge man was grinding impossibly deeper into him. “Ahh fuck I think I’m gonn…”
“That’s the general idea...” Xander whispered, bracing his hips.
“Oh goddddd!” The small man let out a wail as the thick cock inside him pulled out in one full stroke and drove back deep and hard. He couldn’t stop his screams if he tried.
The thrusts seemed endless after that, each one speeding up the next. Their cries, wild with abandon, rent the room as their bodies rocked wildly. Sam’s hips drove up of their own accord, making that huge cock of Xander’s bottom out every time.
Sam’s eyes were sightless and rolling as he came and came, splashing moist heat between their sweaty bodies. Incoherent words spouted from his gasping lips, his tight, spasming channel squeezing the life out of Xander’s relentless plowing cock.
Soon Xander was coming deep inside him, the feeling making Sam so complete he began to sob.
Minutes later he was cradled on Xander’s chest, still full of him, still sobbing happily. Xander stroked his hair as he coaxed him.
“I don’t have HIV Xander,” he said in wonder.
“No you don’t sweetheart.” Xander laughed. He was out of breath so it sounded like a wheeze. “You’re perfect. Just like I’ve always known you were.”
They kissed deeply, bodies molding as one all over again as they responded to each other. Oh dear god, Xander was getting bigger inside him. Sam trembled as he was taken over again, the pleasure of the stretch making him high.
I’m healthy. I’ve got Xander.